Seperation

I have just dropped Lilly off at Daycare. She had refused to get out of the car - so I had to carry her out. By the time we had arrived in the playground, I had a wet, screaming limpid attached to me.

I really don't understand what is going on. Morgan and Lilly have gone to daycare for a one or a two day week since they were 9 months old. Last year I even did some 5 day weeks - and boy I would never do that again. I am so blessed that I am not forced to go to work. Every day you get home cranky and tired to be faced with a days work or preparing meals, cleaning kids and house and preparing for the next day. Quite rightly, the kids want your time and to see you and play - and don't understand why they have to eat tea and be packed off to bed - so things just go from bad to worse. Thank you Age for having a secure job and one that means we are comfortable. I am now at peace with my place as a stay at home mum - with a few not so serious home based businesses on the side and a path into writing. I don't want to be a high flyer anymore - or strive for some corporate position. What a drag. Attempting to beat Morgan at chequers or work out the next logo piece will do me just fine at the moment!

Anyway - back to Miss Lilly. When I made my decision not to go back to paid employment, I decided also to keep one days daycare and school care for the kids. It would give me a full day to myself to undertake the jobs and tasks that are difficult to do when I have help from a three year old. Its is a substantial cost- but I reason I need my sanity to do so. I could send Lilly to kindy this year and looked into it - but again - what a waste of my days - drop off at 9 and pick up at 1.30 or 2. 3 days one week and 2 days the next - would do my head in. Its still not particularly cheap either - about $30 a day.. and of course there is the mother guilt in there as well - raising it ugly head. After our issues with Morgan - who didn't go to kindy and his apparent anti social behaviour patterns... am I doing the right thing by Lilly in not sending her? arghhh - I just don't like to institutionalize babies...

Poor Miss Lilly - desperately clinging to me - demanding I take her home so she could do do the washing with me, go to the bank and drop off Daddys bike to the shop. All such boring things when compared to painting and play doh. Real tears and shaking voice. I have questioned her and her teachers. She is one of the younger ones in the group - but in their words - the biggest personality ( meaning she is bossy - ha ha - wonder where she got that from?) Lilly says there are too many babies in the room. Miss Tash says that because Lillys vocab is so extensive and her maturity is higher than others - that Lilly is able to discuss and speak to adults on a level basis - where the other children are still experimenting and sometimes cannot be understood.

I dragged her off me and gave her to Miss Tash - who totally adored Lilly and I know Lily loves her too - kissed her and walked out. The howls followed me all the way up the corridor. What deranged sort to mother leaves their child screaming? One with a heart made of stone. I crept into one of the other rooms and watched her - still clinging to Miss Tash, tears still coming - but talking to her intently. Ten mins later, she had not let go of Miss Tash, but had stopped crying at least. I dared not show my face as I crept away to the car.

This has only just started to happen and both the teachers and I are very puzzled. They take lots of photos during the day of the kids in activities and are very particular in making notes about what each child has done and little interactions - so I can clearly see she is having a great time and into lots of activities in the day. Its just the separation thing in the morning.. why now? all of a sudden? keep tuned!