Precious Moments

Although you think you understand the concept, it takes a child to focus you back to what is important. Lilly and I spent the day at home today – with no plans but doing fun stuff. I have been pretty pre-occupied with the ebook and the website, finishing and editing articles, researching and getting my profile in a higher spot on the internet. It all takes so much time – and I am thankful that both Morgan and Lilly are independent enough to be able to amuse themselves away from TV or computers and are happy playing imagination games or with toys.

Earlier in the year I set out my paints and my easel, wanting to reconnect with the artist I had been. I took out all my oils, laid out my pain brushes – but was paralyzed. I couldn’t do the first brush stroke. I have always waited for something to appear to me – to beg me to paint it- but nothing came. Lilly and I splotched pain all over a large cardboard box and we drew flowers and suns.

Today I asked her what we aught to do today. She wanted to paint – just like we did along time ago. She had remembered this precious moment – months ago –where we co-painted and were silly together. I then question why we don’t do it more often – I just never get round to it. We looked at some photos of when Morgan was 18 months to 2 or so – just before she was born. I did so much craft and creative things with him it wasn’t funny – and have the photos to prove it. Mother guilt has truly kicked in now –wondering why I have allowed Lillys artistic talent to wane and that I have stunted her creative growth.

When we picked Morgan up, we made afternoon tea – lots of yummy fruit on sticks and crackers and some left over cheeses from Saturdays party. Another note – my kids rock – they will taste and try everything, Both have decided that blue vein is pretty yucky, but like brie over camembert. A whole tub of marinated Boccanini was consumed in one sitting. Morgan loves to experiment with tastes and so we had savory rice crackers with yogurt and jam on them, cheese and strawberries etc.

We shot off to the park on our bicycle – doing a big loop on the tracks. We are so blessed to live here! Wide clean and safe areas for the kids to learn to ride their bikes - a creek full of interesting things and bushland just behind us. Precious moments. They slip past us so quickly and unless you recognize and celebrate them – you lose all sight of what is important – always striving for the next thing.

I saw a beautiful quote – Today is a gift – why else is it called the present?

Food Issues

I know this is all about me and my issues and my insecurities – it doesn’t make it easier know this - and I need to air this.

Lilly has days where she will refuse to eat – anything. I try to ignore it and my repeating answer after is – I don’t run a café here – you eat when everyone else eats and you eat what we all eat.

Then there are the days that she eats like a horse – honestly. This morning she ate a bowl of rice bubbles, an apple and 3 bananas. Adrian had a cooked breaky about an hour after this and she pestered him until she secured an egg and a sausage from him.I have a large fruit bowl in the kitchen and I know I do encourage the kids to eat fruit whenever they like – but she does – a lot. Its not uncommon for her to eat a few bananas and apples after lunch and then again for dessert. I mean – where is it going?

I cannot give her anything sugary – she goes completely mad. Thankfully when we go out and she is offered softdrink or juice – she always asks for water – bless her. But watch the biscuits. Today she scoffed 4 shortbreads in as many second and then started in on the chocolate ones – but found she only liked chewing the chocolate off them.

I know of the theories – if you deny food or use it as rewards or punishments – then it will start a chain of events and issues with food – and its the last thing I want – especially for Lilly. Having grown up always fat – always overweight – nothing fitting and standing out in the crowd – I so don’t want it for her. I know I have an obsessive nature and its often difficult for me to curb it.

I get so angry and frustrated with her sneaking food into her room – she knows that I don’t want her to be eating things – and she sneaks them in – I found an empty packet of jelly crystals in her bed today and am forever taking Morgan’s school snacks ( muesli bars etc) away from her. I guess its difficult for her to understand that Morgan gets these things and she doesn’t.

Both the kids are on the side of solid – thankfully very active. Just reviewing it – I believe I have been on a diet now for the better part of 25 years. Help! Phew.. motherguilt – kick on in.

Go to bed!

Its nearly 10 pm. I have been attempting to put Lilly to bed since 7.

We have a routine where we have a story each before bedtime. They go and brush their teeth, find a book from the library and put it in their beds and then go and give Daddy a big hug and kiss goodnight. Then its into bed – hugs kisses etc etc and off to sleep. I know you aught not compare kids – but Morgan goes out like a light – and has done so for years. Lillys usual response to going to bed is this.

7.10 reading light is turned on and off as she fiddles with it.

7.15 calls for another hug and kiss – which is done – but warned that this is the last one tonight. I check in on Morgan who is snoring.

7.15 – 7.30 reads book, talks to teddy or dolls.

7.30 gets out of bed and gets all of dolls and tucks into bed.

7.40 gets backpack out of cupboard and fills it with teddies and old mobile phones and tucks into bed.

7.50 calls for drink of water

7.52 starts singing twinkle twinkle or old Mc Donald… loudly..

7.55 gets annoying toy with pull string or similar and repeatedly makes it sound its tune.

7.59 toy is confiscated

8.00 Loud wailing and tears.

8.10 little head pops round corner “ I need to go to the toilet” stands there are repeats till I walk her there ( not needed – she has been going by self for months)

8.15 still sitting on toilet – unrolling paper.

8.30 has stuffed entire toilet roll down toilet and flushing loo till it pours over. Sink tap is turned on full bore.

8.35 Lilly taken to bed, mess tidied up

8.40 small head pops round corner. “ I’m hungry” depending on my mood an apple is cut up and eaten at the table or the shouting starts.

9.30 Small ninja steals into the kitchen and secures a banana and an apple and smuggles back to bed. Ignored

9.45 naked child streaks through house.

9.55 child returned to room. Entire drawer of shorts and shirts have been tried on and spread over floor. Shouting ensues.

10 pm in bed with every stuffed toy she owns. Hard to see child – but the talking continues so am guessing she is in there somewhere.

10.01 talking stops mid sentence. Snores are heard.

Oh and – up by 5.30 in summer ( despite block out curtains and block out blind making room pitchblack.) and possibly 6.15 in winter time.

No sleeps during day. Stopped that when she was 18 months.

I am at a loss on what to do with her. I guess she is very much like me – needing little sleep – so what do you do? Let her stay up? Oh and no – I am not exaggerating – this is a transcript of what happened last night and give or take one or two items – this is usually what happens. – amidst threats of tying her in bed, locking the door and turning out the light.. These threats usually keep her in bed for about 5 mins or so.

Arggghhh!

The Bunyas

We have just spent the better part of a week in the Bunya mountains. Adrian and I had camped there with friends about 15 years earlier and had been in awe of the chalets snuggled into the landscape then. The sensuous smell of the wood smoke twirling lazily above each picturesque house, the mist hanging over the roof tops like a gossamer cloak, the lush green grass covering the gentle slopes…. hummm

Our chalet was beautiful and lived up to all my expectations. A four bedroom double story loft house, complete with fireplace and two balconies. The owners really went out of their way to ensure that the tenants felt at home and comfortable. The little touches like the tea and coffee tray, practical things like the tick puller ( used constantly) the myriad of games suitable for all ages, and a host of popular kids and adult videos and dvds. One of the upper bedrooms had a TV, DVD and Video player in it.. Morgan and Lilly claimed it immediately – even though we could have each had a room to ourselves the kids wanted to sleep in the same room. Lilly luxuriated in a queen bed, morgan claimed the single bed overlooking the valley through a huge florr to ceiling window - and there were two couches – one a pull out bed as well. Surprisingly the house could easily sleep 11 people. The kitchen had every appliance you could think of. We ate well and constantly – something holidays are all about. When I booked it, I sent and email out to our friends to invite them to come and stay a while with us. Now we are here I am sorry I didn’t follow up and really sell it to them. Such a great house, close to the walking tracks and beautiful views.

Morgan and Lilly never tired of waking and pulling back the curtains to watch the pretty-face wallabies on the manicured lawns. On the bigger balcony near the dining room, we breakfasted with lorikeets, parrots, currawongs and magpies. Morgans face was a treasure to be kept as he hand fed a parrot one of his raw peanuts. It was a special moment, but one we didn’t encourage as we are well aware of the dangers of domesticating wild animals.

Memories from the trip include

Bird feeding at the café each day.

• Lillys amazing ability to strip naked in five seconds flat and hang from the balconies like a monkey.
• The mist as it hung over the valley
• Watching the sunset as the temperature plummeted.
• The kids racing round with glow sticks in the pitch darkness.
• Those damned ticks – doing a tick patrol every day.
• Morgans amazing ability to hide on the track and jump out to scare us.
• Lillys announcement after walking about 100 mtrs that it was time for snacks…every day…

When Morgan and Age cranked up the playstation, I sat at my laptop and edited stories, read my emails, answering and deleting as I went ( something I hadn’t done for months and was feeling a bit overwhelmed and paralyzed a the enormity of the task),writing and editing my articles for the ebook and planning the framework and world views for my NANO book.

Every day we set off after breakfast on our intrepid adventures. Kitted up with our hydro packs, hiking boots and poles, we attacked our walks with gusto. The longest one we did was a little over 5 kms and had some pretty steep hills following the waterfall trak. Very proud of the kids who kept up, skipped and jumped around excited to see everything in our way.

I can’t believe its at an end and we have to now go home. I hope we can come back soon with lots of friends, warm mead and some good board games to play – its just the right atmosphere.

off for a while

Hi folks - I am off to Sydney in the next few hours for 3 days and then immedialty off to the Bunya Mountains for a family rest. A bit of bushwalking, chilling out, playing games, log fires... just some time together...

so what that means is NO internet...and no updates.

I may write something every day - I may not - but I will post what I have when I get back

hoo roo...

two dimenstional characters

The five languages of Love

This is a draft article I am thinking of using in our ebook.. Its what I have been working on today - thus addition to my blog..

Love comes in many forms, conversely so does the manner in which it is expressed and received. Love is a verb – its something that you do for others and for yourself. It is not stagnant, but ever changing, growing and alive. As a new parent, the love you hold for your partner is not replaced – as many people believe, but is given a new direction and an opportunity to strengthen and grow into something incredible. Sadly for many families, the advent of children sees a rift between parents. With the seeming shift of attention, time and love directed now at the children, it is the male partner who more is more likely to feel unwanted and begin to withdraw. A cycle continues with the mother confused with her new role and responsibilities, perceiving her partners withdrawal as a rejection of her personally, feeling unappreciated and focuses herself even more on the needs of her children. Even the slightest change in direction can send two hurtling rocketships far apart into deep space; eventually light years apart.

Showing love to new parents can just as easily be communicated by friends, family and caring community members. By supporting new parents and assisting them into easing their way into parenthood, will ensure a much less turbulent journey in all aspects of their relationship. Love is a choice. Connection and communication can start in a heartbeat; especially if you are given some tools to assist your journey.

Dr. Gary Chapman has written many self help books surrounding effective communication within relationships. His book “The Five Love Languages” is an easy to consume antidotal read which identifies five basic languages of love – those being

• Quality Time. This includes spending real time with your partner on a one on one basis, doing activities they find pleasing – or giving them quality time in order for them to so something they would love. A harassed new mother will relish the thought of having a shower alone, of going for a cup of coffee and being able to drink it whilst its hot or going to the movies with their partner.
• Words of Affirmation. Mother guilt ( and to a lesser extent Fatherguilt) pours through the veins of every new mother. Word of encouragement – either verbally or written in a card, an email or a letter can make a great impact on those whose primarily language is this one. Although this may seem one of the easiest love languages, it is becoming rarer that people will stop for a few moments, be totally present and express their true thoughts. Our society is trained to give negative responses, rather than celebrate or congratulate a situation.
• Gifts. A small wildflower picked on the way home, a laminated bookmark made from your first movie together, a special coffee cup. Gifts do not need to be extravagant or cost money for the person whose primarily language is presents. Its is the thought and the way in which it is delivered which is often the most important.
• Acts of Service. Emptying the dishwasher, taking out the rubbish, getting the ironing done ( either doing or paying someonelse) making a meal, bringing several pre cooked meals around to pop in the freezer are some examples of acts of service which would be greatly appreciated by a person whose primary language is this.
• Physical Touch. This can make or break a relationship and can communicate love or hate in a split second. Intimate touch is confused with tenderness and especially after birthing and the relentless emotional journey a new mother is taking, the last thing on their mind is to hug or kiss another human being. For someone whose primary language is touch, a rejection can be devastating. A high percentage of men’s primary language is touch, but even they can confuse it with the act of sex rather than a languid cuddle, a sensual kiss or a shoulder rub.

Dr Cahapman proposes that everyone has a preferred language they use to demonstrate their love with others. Often , but not always, the language that this individual uses is the same for the way they want to be shown love. With a better understanding of these distinctive languages of love, you will be able to speak and understand others love language. Being present and sincere with great listening skills is not enough. Whilst Greys “Men are from Mars” book presented revolutionary ideas for the time it was published, relationships and people have become more savvy and a new step forward needs to be taken. If you are to communicate in a meaningful and effective manner, you must be willing to identify and use the primary love languages.

With our fragmented communities and dysfunctional families., young parents are often physically a long way away from either a family or supportive networks.

Each of us, therefore, have a responsibility to each other, to our families and to our community to identify individuals love language and ensure we use it when we communicate with them. Consciously choose to create a loving moment for another person every day.

People generally go about their lives in an unconscious manner, doing what they do out of habit, or ritual and what feels natural to us. We unconsciously speak to others using our own preferred method of expressing love – whether that is to spend time with them, tell them how much they mean to us, give them gifts, do things for them or physically make contact with them. When you discover the primary love language of your partner, and we choose to speak it whether or not it is natural for you. Although it may feel uncomfortable or unnatural to you, you will be using a language that communicates love to your partner – which goes far beyond listening sincerely. Choose to consciously love today.

Head is blown off.

Well not literally..... but let me retrack...

Jodi and I spent alot of today collating and writing details for our ebook. After wonderful encouragement from Kerri, we decided ( because you know we just have so much time on our hands) that we could repackage what we have already written into an easily accessible ebook and publish it for the masses – not for just a select group of women – who to be honest are already converted.

The three of us are pretty excited about the project – we have a website hosted already, paypal account and getting a bank account for it to talk to…at last count we have 15 pages for the book. I am a bit stuck on the free report thing to be send out to all folk who register interst..

We had just gotten the kids in the bath and the phone rings.. – niiiice – it was Sonny. What she had to say nearly made me cry. She rang to tell me I needed to get my work out and published. I am a bit freaked out. She gave lots of information to us both 9 we had to lock ourselves in the office to shied our ears from the screaming of the kids.) She as also offered an introduction to a scifi magazine – which came through my email half and hour ago. I flicked a quick email off to the publisher – and got an immediate reply. He would love to read my submissions and for me to sent it directly to him – not through the selection process. He has also asked me to look him up on facebook and add him…

I know exactly which short story I will submit – but need to get an editors help – I am a bit precious – I write things and then leave them – not wanting to touch them again.

Poor Adrian half asleep, groggy and looking like a little possum, had to bear witness to each of these events as they came about ( around midnight.. my usual time.)

So pretty excited…

Building a Reality

Its late at night. I aught to be in bed or watching a fluffy girly film. Certainly not sitting in front of my computer contemplating the history of religion or the demise of civilization as we know it. My head is spinning. I have so much going on around it – I doubt I could sleep or follow a simplistic cartoon, much less a movie of any length. I think Gladiators is about my limit at the moment and I an questioning the colours used in the sets…,…..

Jodi and I have just been to our first writers workshop. I know my head is just blown away with information and possibilities. Sonny Whitelaw hammered information, questions, scenarios and examples from 10 am through till nearly 4 without drawing breath. I have a workbook with at least 6 weeks research and exercises in it, in order for me to ready myself for my NANO book. It was completely not what I was expecting – but totally what was required. I think the most poignant thing I took away was that for your reader to be involved, your fantasy sci fi world had to be real. Everything from the characters, to the way the post is delivered, to the seasons, the religions and politics to what is fashionable needs to be detailed – if not in the manuscript – but somewhere – to draw upon like an almanac. Although you may think this is elementary, once you start to list these things, the background research and writing is enormous.

Sonny was as profound as your knowledge allowed her to be. An incredible resource and one I feel so blessed to have been in such an intimate workshop with. I have popped her website below – Aussie ( Brisbane) lass who writes the books and scripts for Stargate, Atlantis and Roswell. Like - far out. Not in the bit pretentious, very down to earth and brutally honest.

http://www.sonnywhitelaw.com

Late in the day she gave many insights into the failings of fantasy and sci fi writers. One of the major ones was their tip toeing around the issues – of contentious issues or commenting on what was happening or about to happen in the world. Our classic writers – Wells, Huxley, Dick, Heinlan, Bradbury – all pulled no punches and much of their writing is as relevant to todays society as it was then. This has excited both Jodi and I – as our books are to explore themes and questions which in today’s society would be impossible to live or experience…

I am quite nervous about her contact with me in the next two days. As part of the workshop we were able to leave up to 10 pages of our manuscripts with her for her critique. I was very challenged with this – as I only have 2 short stories – neither really meant to be expanded into a book As we only booked the workshop on Friday afternoon and had to submit the pages by Friday afternoon, I had no chance to edit them in any way. They were first drafts in any case… but here it is again – my ego is way bigger than my bank balance..

I think , like many writers and perhaps sci fi fantasy ones in particular, she has a healthy dose of paranoia. ( I maintain that its not paranoia if you are sure people hate you…)Perhaps her back ground in global climate change and oceanology helps.. Her postulations on the price of petrol, the global warming issues on a microscopic level and the demise of our culture due to its disenchantment with religion and the breaking down of civilization was enough to send the hobbies up my back. Along with many people I have hear, she has just sold up and is moving to a remote part of the country in order to self sustain and escpae the crumbling blocks of our society.

As I reasoned with Jodi. These things don’t happen overnight ( unless we have a ‘Day after Tomorrow” scenario) but rather bit by bit. Similar to Nazi Germany and the treatment of Jews ( and countless other scenarios during our violent past). By the time things go way out of hand, it was too late. Decent, good Germans were unable to speak out, because they didn’t speak out right at the start – there seemed no reason to object back then. Everything was rationalized and seemed so reasonable and normalized. Hindsight is a wonderful thing – for the survivors to point and blame. Perhaps our petrol will go to $2.50 within the next few months, Perhaps by Christmas it will be $10. Its not like the writing on the wall hasn’t been there. People will simply have to choose between owning a car and owning a house. Perhaps this opens up the market for mobile homes even more? Our Great Barrier Reef is destined to start breaking up due to the acidity levels rising within the next 2 years, the Gulf Stream due to stop and a mini ice age descend upon much of Europe and the US. The list went on and the true horror of what we as humans have done to our precious earth makes my head reel. It hasn’t happened overnight – we have been doing it every day, since we drew breath and crawled out of the slime.

And all of this so very relevant to our creations, our books. The things we describe did not simply start because we wrote it so. We have a responsibility to ensure its birth and life on the page has a full grasp on reality.

Lilly Loo growing up

Lilly all grown up!!

Its scary how fast both of them are growing. I see glimpses of them as teenagers in small moments.

I will attempt - without styfling them - in keeping childhood sweet and innocent. I have seen fashions I wouldn't allow a young teenager in - being sold for 6 year olds.

*sigh*

But how can we sotp this? Lilly was so excited to be going out with me to a Cafe - like a bit grown up girl.

She never leaves the house without her bag or jewelry!

Bless