How is Age? Part 2

There is no good news when it comes to a few words being bandied about - those being hospital, brain tumour and seizures.

Its late Tuesday night and Age is still in hospital with no real answers.  He has had a number of small seizures and is kept under constant observation.  His medication has been changed and then increased - so its a wait and see game with that at least.

Yesterday he was super optimistic and felt great.  However after seeing a gaggle of doctors this morning, is pretty fed up with the attitude most of them have.  We both understand that  doctors in particular have got to have God like presence to instil certainty  and that you really wouldn't want a nervous or unsure doctor to be operating on you.. I also understand that they are caring and deeply humane people - though its hard to find that stance when they are undertaking bullying tactics and scare mongering. 

The course of action they are strongly suggesting involves him getting a biopsy on Monday. This is to acertian the grade of the tumour and if it has turned into a grade three, then a course of either chemo or radiotherapy will be undertaken.

There had been talk of debulking the tumour - which is basically cutting out some of it or complete removal - but the risks involved with both of these are still high.

Something I guess to recall is that none of this si shocking or new news.  Having lived with this for 11 years, at least in the backs of our minds, we knew these decisions would need to be made and this day would come.  Its not like this is a shocking revelation or that its only just been discovered.  We still have an emotional reaction to it - despite all of this.

I’d like to clarify too - that I am not in la la land. I may joke about being in denial, but I am meticulously clear about the future options and what lays ahead.  Just because I am not laying on the floor weeping or beating my head against a wall, doesn’t mean that I don’t ‘get’ the situation.  I figure it will do no-one any good if I fall apart. The kids need me to be together.  Age needs me to be strong for him…...  and I am no good at pity parties or wallowing is self pity.  So I am accessing my masculine and coping…There will be a time and place for me to drop that and fall apart at the seams.

At least too the kids aren’t going to have any issues with repressed emotions.  We have had screaming matches, tears and both kids have told me that they hate me today… so great…..

I’ve spent the days with Age - playing scrabble.. and how sucky is this?  He still beats me!  I am going to bring in Backgammon tomorrow…  he has been so appreciative of the amount of phone calls and SMS he has had - so thanks to everyone who has done that.

So as it stands, Age will not be undergoing surgery, unless it is proven to him that his health is under serious threat right now.  Something we learnt from last time was that  doctors like to rush decisions, load it up on emotions and force you to make uninformed choices.  We aren’t sure when he is allowed to come home; but I have made an appointment to see Dr Greg - who is a wholistic medical doc - and a very open one to very alternative medical practices. If it takes me to ‘bust’ Age out tomorrow… then thats what I am doing to get him to Dr Greg for a second opinion.

I’ll be in the getaway car on Wed arvo.  more news as it comes to hand.