A Question of Faith

All that know me, realize I am pretty open to most things. I have been thinking deeply on faith and belief. What it means and has meant to me and how it affects me. Having written a short story to begin to flesh out the religion on my world for my book for Nano ( what a rotten sentence this one is turning out to be…..) it has brought up a whole heap of STUFF for me.

Humans have an intrinsic and very base need and instinct for ritual. Even the most unaware, out of touch person conducts their day in a series or rituals. These are more than a habit – but rather a superstition perhaps or a series of events done in a way that is dictated by a cultural or traditional reason rather than an obvious practical reason. If this is changed or altered ,these people feel uncomfortable and perhaps not know why there are feeling that away.

I began to explore faith and belief – are they the same thing? In my mind they are not. Faith to me means that there is no basis for believing that a certain thing is true. One simply accepts it. There is no evidence and no need to seek that evidence to continue believing that thing.

Belief for me is an extension of this- that you must have some sort of evidence to prop up your theory. The more concrete evidence you have – the more legs you have to prop up your statements – until your table statement is so strong that an elephant could sit on it and you would be not shaken

I know that there are doctrines which suggest that you must first have faith in order to seek knowledge – but you must have belief before you can understand it.. phew that’s pretty full on.

My family was never much into religion. I seem to recall it being said it was a waste of time going to church as it stopped production and jobs being done – and on a farm there is always so much to do everyday. My Gran and an Aunt used to go every week, but I have a feeling it had more with the fact that the family built the tiny church after the boys retuned from the second world war.. Perhaps it was also due to the constant fear that the church council threatened to close and sell the church due to the dropping numbers in the congregation.

I started my search for meaning and my spiritual place at the age of about 11. I remember going with Gran to church and then begging to be able to also attend a Sunday school in another village as well as fellowship meetings during the week. I studied the bible and did advanced junior courses ( mail order ones) in Bible studies. I became bored with the mediocre stances of the uniting church and the lack of tradition and “wholeness”. All the people who went – the sermons, everything seemed so insipid - so pastel blue..

During my early teenage years, I looked strongly at the Catholic Church. I fell in love with the ritual, the richness of the ceremony and the texture of the latin language within the sermon. The starchy old priests with their glorious robes – what drama! I became disenchanted with the every pervading clouds of guilt, oppressively pressing down upon you. I never got the hang of confession or the hail marys. Communion seemed too weird and very separatist.

I was introduced to a charismatic church –where funky ( for the 80s) music was played and the leaders were normal young people with up to date messages. However, there still seemed to be something missing in my heart. I felt like an outsider – even with these wonderfully caring dynamic people.

Uni came and my world exploded. I was introduced to lots of different movements, heard about Karma, reincarnation and alternative creation theories where Lillith reigned. I explored esoteric groups and gatherings and became involved and initiated into a grove. I still honour the vows taken there and will not divulge anything about that – suffice to say I left on good terms as my path didn’t take me any futher in that area. I have a lot of respect for Wicca – true practitioners and it saddens me to see it watered down and romanticized by weirdoes and desperados. I think too the emerging energetic work I had uncovered and some of the experiences there … scared me.. not so much fear about it – but the fear I enjoyed the power – the looks in unbelievers eyes, the furtive glances by others. Humm perhaps a little much here…

It kind of went into a lull there for a while – and did a total backflip against the Christian faith. I was unhappy with the representation of women, of the limiting beliefs about God, the hypocrisy within the collection of stories which makeup the Bible and the realization that the old and new bible aught not belong to the same faith as they were dictated through humans by very different representations of God.

Once I had started on my path to self development, one must revisit ones spiritualistic tendencies. I rebelled against any mention of God, firmly believing there was none. But you know what – its kind of saying you don’t believe in the postman. You will get your mail delivered if you believe or not. The MEANING you put I not how your mail got there will be very different.

I had a session with God which really blew my head off. I remember the moment exactly – it was like one of the Hollywood moments – all melts into the background ( I was in a room with about 3000 people) the lights the glowing the spirit speaking and the shivers ( as I call them) For the first time I felt at peace with my world and my place. I find it hard to call God something as words have so many connotations… Goddess? I believe that more than a male version. However God let me know that he/she/it is so much bigger than anything we have pinned upon that name..

SO where I am at the moment is with energies. For the lay person – think Starwars. The force/ eternal energy is in everything, the breeze, the ground the earth in your lovers laughter. We are so much more than the beings we present to each other. Through my trainings with acting I have experienced and played with energetics – so it is a belief that I have solid experience to pin it upone. I also know from outher sources and trainings that energy connect us with everything..

Hummm next blog to explore this further..

Nearly Midnight.. again

and I haven't finished the draft from yesterday - or started todays... where are my hours going?

I just have so m any things to attend to - my writing is getting to be the last thing I do at night.. whcih is so not the right thing to do. I am attempting to train myslef in writing 1500 words a day - in readyment for NANO in November. phew I am having issues with pumping out a measly 500 words on this blog....

I do write Friday Fiction every week - and the photo comp once a month - and have started with the Monday Musings... but I don't know - just Mummy stuff, house stuff gets in the way.. I can't even say I am playing my ever so addictive Knighthood anymore. I have put it on pause and can only really look at it for about 10 mins a day - not much to do when in peace mode...

My Ebay stuff is coming along.. have just listed some old clip on earings. Young Becky put me onto a new website that helps with the professional listings - it has saved me money and looks great - I even have a virtual shop without paying for one.. so really happy with that.

babble babble.. well its morning now - so perhaps I a can use this as my morning pages .. hummm??

Under 8s Festival

Its late May here in Brisbane and the weather is beautiful. The sunshine bathed us in glorious warmth and the air temperature pleasant enough to still wear a short sleeve shirt. The routine for school is slowly getting to be second nature – but it sure cuts my day up and I might even have to resort to wearing a watch to ensure I don’t forget to pick Morgan up. There has been a real change in his attitude and behaviour at school who knows if it’s the spiritual healings going on, the health getting under control – or the recognition that Mummy and Daddy had stepped into the school zone and things were serious… Morgan is such a delightful, caring and clever lad, it saddened me so much and confused me to hear of conflicting reports. Perhaps the doppelganger has chosen another victim and I will be left with my delightful Morgan 24 hours a day….

I have well and truly entered the mummy zone. I volunteered to assist in the under 8s festival held at the school this morning. I had been to some of these festivals in parks – often run by kindys or community groups and they were nice quiet affairs – lots of kids – lots of activities but fairly ordered.

Enter Pandemonium. Think about 2 acres of space within the school ground – in and out of classrooms, play equipment and on grassed areas – tables and bright colours and PEOPLE everywhere.

I was in charge of 3 other children beside Morgan and our mission was to explore and experience as many activities as we could in the 2 hours allotted. Can I say – every – note every – table with craft on it had big pots of icky sticky glue and huge bowls of glitter. Be it making a flag or a gingerbread man, a fish or a flower – everything had to have glitter on it.

One of the little girls I had just about had hissy fits when glue got to her hands and hysterics when the glitter wouldn’t come off. This resulted in multiple trips to the toilet and lots of hand washing.. of course I couldn’t allow her ot go by herself – everyone had to come along.

We decided on our activities pretty diplomatically – letting each person in turn decide what the next activity would be. The Jazzercise had the thumbs down by the prep kids, with the face painting and the glitter craft a hot first place.

I was really impressed by the children’s Chaplin. Morgan obviously knew him and the character they use – some sort of fish ( which of course the kids had to colour in and you guessed i- cover with glitter) . They promote simple ethical standards – standing up for yourself and for friends, being brave and looking after others. Encouraging kids to seek help and to talk about problems too.. all in simple words and pictures.

I had to keep a record of what activities we did and of course carry around the precious creations. I am so glad I wore my jeans and an old shirt. By the end it was difficult to decide where the craft ended and where I started.

Our allotted hours just flew past, though my sticky glitter arms were starting to fuse together with creations attached around my body. The school really had done a great job in attracting local community groups and inviting other childrens groups in to share the fun. I didn’t envy the cleaners that day with the trails of glitter up and down stairs.