Walking the Camino with Age

Walking the Camino this year is for a number of reasons..not least as a tribute to Adrian.

The whole year away from Australia us for me to mentally regroup, and for the kids and I to bond as a unit. Though too, I say 'a year' we could stay in Europe for several years. Alot depends on some events taking place in August.. But more on that much later.

Specifically, this next 2 months is time for me to revaluate who I am within my environment, and to rediscover my passions - and the true me; no longer a wife and carer. 

The Camino is the final process completing the journey of letting go of the past and of Age. Its not that I will ever want to - even if it were possible, to forget him. 23 years with someone leaves a mark on your heart and soul; and I loved that man deeply, which made the events in his last five months all the more horrific. 

I know Age would be proud of us and what and where the kids and I are doing... The Age I knew and loved deeply, not the damaged shell he became.

Over the last few days on the track, the kids and I have spoken alot about what happened to Age. Our sessions with the brain specialist and pych after he died really helped explain what happed to him mentally. Its just a real shame this information wasnt available while we were going through it all. I guess I knew it, and I kept the love up, kept the faith but sometimes wish others may have seen it too. Its my lesson that it doesnt matter what others think or believe. I kept the faith and oaths.

We are all at peace knowing that daddy wasnt the real daddy and he was very sick. The specialist was wonderful explaining that it was like an alien inside his head taking control.  We understand that he knew he was dying and that he was changing into a person he couldnt control or know. The kids and I know he loved us so much he did what he thought was the best solution - to force us away, to say and do things which would make us turn our backs and leave him.

But he forgot who and what I was. He forgot how sacred I held oaths. He forgot we were soul family. The harder he pushed, the more hurtful and painful his language and actions were against is, the tighter I held onto 23 years of love and trust; knowing this was the end and knowing he was't himself.

I remember saying goodbye at the airport. He said goodbye and I told him we never say that word and that it was slways see ya.. He dropped his eyes and told me that was only normally. I cried the whole way from the airport hoping I hadn't really heard what I had.

Morgan slowly is telling me little things he said and did as we travel along the path. Some make me smile, knowing he still held our love.. Others mske me tear up, realising moments he began to lose himself. Morgan is such an incredibly special boy, he really needs all of our love even more than before.

I know that the last 120km are going to be particuarly hard for me. So many ghosts and memories of the horrific first week of me meeting the shell who no longer was my husband. Seeing glimpses and grasping those moments he was himself again. Only those who have lived with this or know sufferers of Alziemers might be able to appreciate the emotional trauma. 

One step at a time.. One step.

Viskarret to Arre - 26 km

Early morning start today... 26 km to cover. We were walking in the predawn at 6.15.

It was beautiful to walk in the mist, listening to the morning wake up cslls of the birds, thr tinkling of cow bells and sheep in far away paddocks caling each other.

This is the concrete hill of doom, as Morgan called it. 

It wasnt so bad, just relentless.

And it keeps continuing..

Finally into forest.. But then the rain snd mud began.

Mud over slate on a slope.. Dangerous- and very slow way of covering miles

Up the Pyranness

Just some shots as we make our way up the mountains on the way to the monastery at Roncevalles ( the top of the mountain range)

So many waterfalls.. So beautiful.

A blister stop. ( to stop blisters forming.. We jump on hot dpots straight away)

The first blue shell Camino marker on the track. These are everywhere to assist pilgrims find the way..

I love how many things. ( everything) on this Pilgrimage is about life... Is about how you DO life.. If you are looking for themarlets.. You see them.. Yet I have seen phrims walk right past them and going the wrong wsy.. Getting lost..

Its wet but we are still sming.

Ontop of pilgrim markers are poles of stones. Pilgrims normslly bring one stone from thier homeland and carry with them normally to cast off the Iron Cross, but sometimes it earlier.

Along the way, some feel thry need to pick up a stone and carry it some way, focusing an anger, a regret or negative emotion on it .. One they wish to release..and at some point, they can let it go.. And place the stone, representing this onto a pile.

As the pilgrimage goes further along, the piles get enormous.. As one may expectover  a thousand years.  

A lunch break.. Mmmm chorizo

And no.. We dont care where we rest..if you are tired enough.. You rest.

The mud gets pretty thick in places.

The path gets very steep as well. Gorgeous.. But steep.

Misty biew from the top.. So cold.

Gorgeous stained glass windows in a tiny church on the way.

Home sweet home for the night. We are in a monastery with 200 beds. We are in the loft.