School Holidays come to a close.

It’s the last day of school holidays and I can’t believe that they have flown past so quickly. I had planned a few activities and day trips to do with friends and with the kids, but had thought I’d get more done at home.. or something like that.

Admittedly we did go up to the farm for five glorious cold days, but even they flew past, consumed with cleaning, cooking and getting ready for the rally. Morgan and Lillys greatest delight is it go on the back of the ute and feed the cattle. Seeing them clinging to the rails, sitting one big bale of hay, rosy cheeks and laughing out loud to the wind; brought many smiles to my face. It didn’t seem so long ago that I had been sitting up there with my sisters, the chilling wind biting into our faces, freezing our breath.

We have been to Lollypops three times over the holidays. The larger one at Cannon Hill has been wonderful as I have secured a room to the side of the masses and set up my laptop in order to write. The kids run wild for hours, checking in every so often for snacks and food. The coffee is reasonable and service friendly. It’s a fully gated space, where the kids have arm bands to identify who they are and who brought them along. This is policed vigilantly, so I have no concerns as I am writing , if I don’t see Morgna and Lilly for up to half an hour at a time. I know that they are on a bouncy castle or climbing a rope bridge somewhere. The peace of mind alone, I believe, is worth the $12 per child entry.

We ventured out to the Ipswich Rail Museum once. It used to be a favorite haunt and we have had season passes for years. The price of petrol has stopped me traveling so far now. It was pretty cold and miserable and although much of what we played with was indoors, the huge sheds they are housed in did not offer much warmth. Most times we go, the kids will beg me to stop at a huge park we pass; but each time, something else pressing has occupied our time. I can now see we will make special trips out to go to the park. Queens Park in Ipswich has had a huge facelift and offers many exciting challenges for the adventurous child. Long Flying Foxes, a huge hill to roll down, twin slides, an A frame climbing structure, bridges and paths.

A very special day for me was my Date Day with Morgan. Lilly went off to daycare, and Morgan and I had a delightful day together. We had brunch at the Coffee Club,where he learnt that sharing a cooked breakfast can be much more fun than having one on your own. He was so polite and had such beautiful manners, my heart nearly burst whilst sitting across from him. He chose a movie and whilst the theory was that we were going to share the popcorn, he inhaled it before the title credits rolled. Meeting Dave ( the new Eddie Murphy movie) was perfect for his age group. Full of bodily noises, fart jokes and slapstick humour, it had the entire audience laughing most of the time.

A beautiful day was spent at home with a dear friend Michelle and her two kids as well as Jodi and Dylan. When the kids were younger, we used to get together at least weekly. However they moved down the coast and are now a good 2 hour drive from us, and visits have become sporadic. It saddens me to lose touch with beautiful friends – not out of any other reason – but lack of contact – you get busy with your life and just.. don’t call.. just … don’t visit.

I have been beating myself up for not posting to this blog every day, but have decided to be gentle on myself. Its been 6 weeks of ebook frantic writing and assimilations as well as the surprising arrival of Captain Juan. He alone has taken my waking moments up, researching lonely coastlines, boning up on the mechanics of early cannons and understanding the difference between a frigate and a sloop. Not to mention the time consuming tasks of answering Yahoo answers.

I will commit to updating this at least once a week. I don’t think many of my family or friends read my posts in any case – so it’s an diary exercise – and a valuable letting off steam thing.

Precious Moments

Although you think you understand the concept, it takes a child to focus you back to what is important. Lilly and I spent the day at home today – with no plans but doing fun stuff. I have been pretty pre-occupied with the ebook and the website, finishing and editing articles, researching and getting my profile in a higher spot on the internet. It all takes so much time – and I am thankful that both Morgan and Lilly are independent enough to be able to amuse themselves away from TV or computers and are happy playing imagination games or with toys.

Earlier in the year I set out my paints and my easel, wanting to reconnect with the artist I had been. I took out all my oils, laid out my pain brushes – but was paralyzed. I couldn’t do the first brush stroke. I have always waited for something to appear to me – to beg me to paint it- but nothing came. Lilly and I splotched pain all over a large cardboard box and we drew flowers and suns.

Today I asked her what we aught to do today. She wanted to paint – just like we did along time ago. She had remembered this precious moment – months ago –where we co-painted and were silly together. I then question why we don’t do it more often – I just never get round to it. We looked at some photos of when Morgan was 18 months to 2 or so – just before she was born. I did so much craft and creative things with him it wasn’t funny – and have the photos to prove it. Mother guilt has truly kicked in now –wondering why I have allowed Lillys artistic talent to wane and that I have stunted her creative growth.

When we picked Morgan up, we made afternoon tea – lots of yummy fruit on sticks and crackers and some left over cheeses from Saturdays party. Another note – my kids rock – they will taste and try everything, Both have decided that blue vein is pretty yucky, but like brie over camembert. A whole tub of marinated Boccanini was consumed in one sitting. Morgan loves to experiment with tastes and so we had savory rice crackers with yogurt and jam on them, cheese and strawberries etc.

We shot off to the park on our bicycle – doing a big loop on the tracks. We are so blessed to live here! Wide clean and safe areas for the kids to learn to ride their bikes - a creek full of interesting things and bushland just behind us. Precious moments. They slip past us so quickly and unless you recognize and celebrate them – you lose all sight of what is important – always striving for the next thing.

I saw a beautiful quote – Today is a gift – why else is it called the present?

Food Issues

I know this is all about me and my issues and my insecurities – it doesn’t make it easier know this - and I need to air this.

Lilly has days where she will refuse to eat – anything. I try to ignore it and my repeating answer after is – I don’t run a café here – you eat when everyone else eats and you eat what we all eat.

Then there are the days that she eats like a horse – honestly. This morning she ate a bowl of rice bubbles, an apple and 3 bananas. Adrian had a cooked breaky about an hour after this and she pestered him until she secured an egg and a sausage from him.I have a large fruit bowl in the kitchen and I know I do encourage the kids to eat fruit whenever they like – but she does – a lot. Its not uncommon for her to eat a few bananas and apples after lunch and then again for dessert. I mean – where is it going?

I cannot give her anything sugary – she goes completely mad. Thankfully when we go out and she is offered softdrink or juice – she always asks for water – bless her. But watch the biscuits. Today she scoffed 4 shortbreads in as many second and then started in on the chocolate ones – but found she only liked chewing the chocolate off them.

I know of the theories – if you deny food or use it as rewards or punishments – then it will start a chain of events and issues with food – and its the last thing I want – especially for Lilly. Having grown up always fat – always overweight – nothing fitting and standing out in the crowd – I so don’t want it for her. I know I have an obsessive nature and its often difficult for me to curb it.

I get so angry and frustrated with her sneaking food into her room – she knows that I don’t want her to be eating things – and she sneaks them in – I found an empty packet of jelly crystals in her bed today and am forever taking Morgan’s school snacks ( muesli bars etc) away from her. I guess its difficult for her to understand that Morgan gets these things and she doesn’t.

Both the kids are on the side of solid – thankfully very active. Just reviewing it – I believe I have been on a diet now for the better part of 25 years. Help! Phew.. motherguilt – kick on in.