Belief.. part 2

I make a habit of reading other peoples blogs. It not only helps me formulate ideas, but assists me in understanding the thought processes of others. It also unifies the writing community. No longer are we sitting in a hilltop postulating. We have the technology to allow 100000s to view our inner thoughts and to comment upon them.

Something that I see as a common thread is the constant questioning of their belief. Belief is not necessarily attached to a spiritual faith – but a guideline for operating ones life. With writers it seems the lack of belief in ones self, ones writing ability and ones play in relevance to society. For that reason alone its is dangerous to shut oneself up in a cabin – devoid of reality, encaptured in self.

No doubt other religions followers have similar doubts, but my exposure to the Christian faith is broader than others and I have seen the doubt and questioning of the dogma and doctrines a lot. Its not just spiritual beliefs . No matter what you stand up of – your faith , your beliefs, you will encounter others in society, in our community and in our own families who seemingly delight in ripping your heart out and tearing down the very fabric of your structures.

I remember when I was ‘going’ through my ultra Christian stage, the amount of kids in my class who went out of their way to torment me. I acknowledge that the teenage years may not be the ultimate time to be expressing your faith in a society desperate to tear down anyone who is different, but the experience left me battered and alone. I drew some strength from my chats with Jesus, but never understood why I couldn’t just go to the main dude. ( Catholisim at its best!) I remember when I announced that I would not be giving my kids cows milk or its products. The venom and disharmony I encountered by people who would normally be supportive was incredible. I understand that its not a reaction to myself or my decision, but a reaction to their own beliefs.

I guess I am wandering around with this entry. The outside world plays a huge part in challenging your beliefs, but as always it’s the inner world, out little demons who cause the most damage. I birthed mother guilt the same time I birthed Morgan and Lilly. As they grow , so does my mother guilt demon. It is reinforced by the images and comments from my outside world. My only solice at the moment is my escape into my writing. I am doing it from a place of joy. I am but a conduit for the source it has transpired.