Rites of Passage.

After going to the party on Saturday, it has given me a lot to think about. I host a cocktail party every quarter – just for girlfriends – a chance to leave partners and kids behind – we wear our PJs drink copious amounts of cocktails made by a wonderful barman, we share glorious food, laugh lots, read tarot cards, paint our nails, put on tattoos and watch old movies till the wee hours. I thought it a great opportunity to include this party to my gathering – so have booked Grace to come along in August. I have sent out invitations already and have been quite surprised at some of the reactions I have gotten back – but people I would not have expected to have those sorts of thoughts or reactions. I found it interesting how many have been challenged by the thought of going to see items such as these and have blatantly refused to come. I have also been relived that some of my adventurous friends have said – hell yeah! So I guess its like Grace said – you just can’t judge what a person is going to be like. I loved her story of a very prim and proper lady at a party, sitting with her pursed lips. When she came into order her goods in the private room, she picked up one of the toy whips ( not really intended for anything but s shock and tickle) and proceeded to whip it around and hit herself on the arm. She frowned and asked if they had anything harder. The company do not explore bondage, so Grace told her of some websites and other online companies to look at for her needs. So it just goes to show – it takes all sorts and you can’t tell..

Its got me thinking of the rites of passage that I have experienced and the ones I want to pass on to my kids. The basic human need for ceremony and ritual is strong within my spirit. Having explored a number of faiths, I am yet to find something that really fits, but am happy with my place at the moment ( this two seconds at least)

I have heard of a ring ceremony for girls which I really liked. I haven’t found any further info on it and the details were sketchy – however, its our family ceremony – so I can tailor it to what we please.

The ring is a very strong symbol in itself. Demonstrating the never ending cycle of life, infinity and never changing pace of the physical. Our culture recognizes a ring on a left finger as a bondage or promise to another. In more modern times, women have taken to wearing a ring of beauty on their right hand as a symbol of their independence. My proposal is to have a very special diamond ring for Lilly, given to her by her Daddy at a special age – perhaps 8 yrs old perhaps a little later 10? This ring will be worn on her right hand as a symbol of love and protection by her clan. She need not be bonded to any other until she decides but must ceremonially hand back that ring before placing another on her left hand. I need to look further into protection stones and metals before getting it made.

A coming of age ritual for Morgan would need to include some sort of physical challenge and to be accepted amongst the company of men. Although I am not sure about him being ‘hunted’ in the darkened forest, the strong symbology of that is very attractive. We have good links with a Norse clan who currently undertake this type of challenge for its youths. Thankfully we have a long wait yet to decide – but these things are amongst our conversation already.

There is no reason both Morgan and Lilly cannot undertake a physical challenge – not for Morgan to wear a symbol of protection by his clan. The ceremonies we set up for their naming days were simply the start of their journey. Meaningful ceremonies with true links to community and people is the essence to what I seek.

Dangerous and Dirty

I had meant to start this entry with my thoughts on the education of females into sexuality. The rites of passage which have been long lost in our culture. This all came about through my participation today at a sex toy party. I was particular challenged in even going along, as I had seen the catalogue and couldn’t imagine sitting through any sort of demonstration of what I thought were crass and dirty things.

Then I started to correct myself, it was prudish and unjust to label these items that way. Without going into much detail, I have experimented with a number of things sexually, but had always felt uncomfortable, dirty and shamed in doing so. This brought upon a new thought – why should something as natural, normal and healthy as sex be dirty, shameful or hidden away? My passage into womanhood was especially traumatic and one I would never wish upon any girl. For most women I know, their introduction or knowledge about sex was that it was dirty and it was dangerous. So what did we all do? We sought out and had dirty and dangerous sex. Never once thinking or believing that it could be any different. I fear for Lilly and know I must initiate ‘something’ now, in preparation…

I started to think about rites of passage – not just for girls, but for boys as well – and realised that we are all lost, all clamouring for recognition. I have written the below- just a draft at the moment and not finished at all… – and will write about the party tomorrow…

Rites of passage in many cultures are used to mark the socially recognized transition to sexual maturity These rites signaled a groups tribute that its young member had reached the age of responsibility, fertility, and community productivity. Puberty rites in numerous cultures have been well documented and analyzed. They are an attempt to prepare, impress upon and educate them for their new role and place within their community.

For girls, it is a marked change with body shape and the commencement of periods. In our culture, a humiliating, shameful monthly experience to be endured and hidden. For boys, the change is a less noticeable and perhaps this is a reason in our society it is not celebrated or recognized. It is little wonder than , that adolescents form their own gangs or sub cultures with their rules and standards to live by. This need for ceremony, for a passage of rite is a base human need. Our culture is little different to ancient ones, with piercings, self mutilation, tattooing, tasks which challenge physical and mental capabilities, ritualized paints and clothing to signal certain messages. And yet there is a gap between what spiritually is happening and what is physically manifesting itself.

The need for support and recognition from an emerging adult may come long before any physical signs of maturation. Its too late once these physical changes have or are occurring. Rites of passage need to be integrated into a community and families life. Coming of age brings responsibly , but also a wider range of choices and the ability to have a greater input into their own direction. There is a need to connect with their inner energy and to make sense of it meaning in a wider sense – of community and world.

Our rites of passage connects us to our past and our futures. It brings hope and excitement. It brings realization of responsibility. For women – the realization and responsibility of the ability to birth a new life. For men, the same responsibility, recognizing their input and impact of their actions. Energetically and physically, we must honour each step in our childrens paths. For each step brings them closer to their emergence as an adult.

Mercury retrograde

I am not really one for the astro charts etc.. but there must be something in it.
yesterdays post is blank... ahhhggg and I have looked back and a few others have not come up either. am having real 'issues' with my laptop and its connectivity. Its wireless but it seems that there are two connections trying all the time and they cut each other off.. which just ends up me being frustrated as I have no internet connections... Whilst I am typing its flicked on and off three times... who knows if i am going to be able to save this one..