Pinko Rubbish

“Why do animals have to die?”

We were tucking into a beautiful venison hotpot setting it off with a select red and savoring every mouthful.. The rich aroma streaming throughout the house, the rain beating down on the tin roof outside and a slight chill in the air – a perfect winters evening…

We both looked at Morgan. He knows full well where the meat we eat comes from. He has helped with the cutting up of the carcasses on my parents property. Death and the cycle of life is not a taboo subject and is discussed in an open and frank manner. He has often asked what type of meat we were eating and has his preferences. We try to ensure a large percentage of pesticide free meat we have comes from my parents property. I really hate buying chicken as I have issues with its production and don’t even start me on any pork product.. If it wasn’t for crispy bacon I wouldn’t touch the stuff… Morgans insight on why Ham is not called Pig was a refreshing, honest one – because people don’t want to know they are eating an animal with a name.

So this questions was not out of the usual. It was not unexpected and it was one he had obviously been thinking about a lot before formulating it at the dinner table. Morgan is only just 5. I know most parents would disregard a comment like this and not acknowledge that there was any reason behind it.

We asked him which animals in particular he was concerned about and then talked about farming methods and choices we can make. Adrian and I both supported his decision not to eat the meat on his dish tonight. We talked about other choices he can make and said its up to him with where he feels is best. Thankfully Morgan likes most veges and will eat them without any fuss. However at the moment we have issues with onion and tomatoes.- this will pass I am sure and it will be carrots or something else.. I am not concerned about lack of protein or any of that other rubbish meat eaters try to force down prospective vegos necks. Our nut and legume intake will just increase and it will be a better health choice for all of us.

I can’t imagine questioning our meat choices when I was a child. Both for the reason I grew up on a farm and it was the tradition, it was in the blood and our culture, but also I think that kids today are so much more advanced in thought processes and worldly aware.

I remember I brought a friend from Uni stay the weekend. She was a vego and I had told mum this before we arrived. I will never forget the worlds colliding. At that time, I don’t think anyone in my village had heard of a vegetarian. Mum had made her famous spaghetti and served it up. She whispered to my friend that she could pick out the meat chunks and put them on a plate she had put beside her. I had not realized that Mum had mistaken my friends vegetarian choice as one who just didn’t like the taste of meat. In no way would she be the only one in this situation… Many years later, I was watching a movie – my big fat greek wedding – and the prospective husband announced he was a vegetarian. Mumma made him a special dish – with lashing of lamb.

Belief.. part 2

I make a habit of reading other peoples blogs. It not only helps me formulate ideas, but assists me in understanding the thought processes of others. It also unifies the writing community. No longer are we sitting in a hilltop postulating. We have the technology to allow 100000s to view our inner thoughts and to comment upon them.

Something that I see as a common thread is the constant questioning of their belief. Belief is not necessarily attached to a spiritual faith – but a guideline for operating ones life. With writers it seems the lack of belief in ones self, ones writing ability and ones play in relevance to society. For that reason alone its is dangerous to shut oneself up in a cabin – devoid of reality, encaptured in self.

No doubt other religions followers have similar doubts, but my exposure to the Christian faith is broader than others and I have seen the doubt and questioning of the dogma and doctrines a lot. Its not just spiritual beliefs . No matter what you stand up of – your faith , your beliefs, you will encounter others in society, in our community and in our own families who seemingly delight in ripping your heart out and tearing down the very fabric of your structures.

I remember when I was ‘going’ through my ultra Christian stage, the amount of kids in my class who went out of their way to torment me. I acknowledge that the teenage years may not be the ultimate time to be expressing your faith in a society desperate to tear down anyone who is different, but the experience left me battered and alone. I drew some strength from my chats with Jesus, but never understood why I couldn’t just go to the main dude. ( Catholisim at its best!) I remember when I announced that I would not be giving my kids cows milk or its products. The venom and disharmony I encountered by people who would normally be supportive was incredible. I understand that its not a reaction to myself or my decision, but a reaction to their own beliefs.

I guess I am wandering around with this entry. The outside world plays a huge part in challenging your beliefs, but as always it’s the inner world, out little demons who cause the most damage. I birthed mother guilt the same time I birthed Morgan and Lilly. As they grow , so does my mother guilt demon. It is reinforced by the images and comments from my outside world. My only solice at the moment is my escape into my writing. I am doing it from a place of joy. I am but a conduit for the source it has transpired.

A Question of Faith

All that know me, realize I am pretty open to most things. I have been thinking deeply on faith and belief. What it means and has meant to me and how it affects me. Having written a short story to begin to flesh out the religion on my world for my book for Nano ( what a rotten sentence this one is turning out to be…..) it has brought up a whole heap of STUFF for me.

Humans have an intrinsic and very base need and instinct for ritual. Even the most unaware, out of touch person conducts their day in a series or rituals. These are more than a habit – but rather a superstition perhaps or a series of events done in a way that is dictated by a cultural or traditional reason rather than an obvious practical reason. If this is changed or altered ,these people feel uncomfortable and perhaps not know why there are feeling that away.

I began to explore faith and belief – are they the same thing? In my mind they are not. Faith to me means that there is no basis for believing that a certain thing is true. One simply accepts it. There is no evidence and no need to seek that evidence to continue believing that thing.

Belief for me is an extension of this- that you must have some sort of evidence to prop up your theory. The more concrete evidence you have – the more legs you have to prop up your statements – until your table statement is so strong that an elephant could sit on it and you would be not shaken

I know that there are doctrines which suggest that you must first have faith in order to seek knowledge – but you must have belief before you can understand it.. phew that’s pretty full on.

My family was never much into religion. I seem to recall it being said it was a waste of time going to church as it stopped production and jobs being done – and on a farm there is always so much to do everyday. My Gran and an Aunt used to go every week, but I have a feeling it had more with the fact that the family built the tiny church after the boys retuned from the second world war.. Perhaps it was also due to the constant fear that the church council threatened to close and sell the church due to the dropping numbers in the congregation.

I started my search for meaning and my spiritual place at the age of about 11. I remember going with Gran to church and then begging to be able to also attend a Sunday school in another village as well as fellowship meetings during the week. I studied the bible and did advanced junior courses ( mail order ones) in Bible studies. I became bored with the mediocre stances of the uniting church and the lack of tradition and “wholeness”. All the people who went – the sermons, everything seemed so insipid - so pastel blue..

During my early teenage years, I looked strongly at the Catholic Church. I fell in love with the ritual, the richness of the ceremony and the texture of the latin language within the sermon. The starchy old priests with their glorious robes – what drama! I became disenchanted with the every pervading clouds of guilt, oppressively pressing down upon you. I never got the hang of confession or the hail marys. Communion seemed too weird and very separatist.

I was introduced to a charismatic church –where funky ( for the 80s) music was played and the leaders were normal young people with up to date messages. However, there still seemed to be something missing in my heart. I felt like an outsider – even with these wonderfully caring dynamic people.

Uni came and my world exploded. I was introduced to lots of different movements, heard about Karma, reincarnation and alternative creation theories where Lillith reigned. I explored esoteric groups and gatherings and became involved and initiated into a grove. I still honour the vows taken there and will not divulge anything about that – suffice to say I left on good terms as my path didn’t take me any futher in that area. I have a lot of respect for Wicca – true practitioners and it saddens me to see it watered down and romanticized by weirdoes and desperados. I think too the emerging energetic work I had uncovered and some of the experiences there … scared me.. not so much fear about it – but the fear I enjoyed the power – the looks in unbelievers eyes, the furtive glances by others. Humm perhaps a little much here…

It kind of went into a lull there for a while – and did a total backflip against the Christian faith. I was unhappy with the representation of women, of the limiting beliefs about God, the hypocrisy within the collection of stories which makeup the Bible and the realization that the old and new bible aught not belong to the same faith as they were dictated through humans by very different representations of God.

Once I had started on my path to self development, one must revisit ones spiritualistic tendencies. I rebelled against any mention of God, firmly believing there was none. But you know what – its kind of saying you don’t believe in the postman. You will get your mail delivered if you believe or not. The MEANING you put I not how your mail got there will be very different.

I had a session with God which really blew my head off. I remember the moment exactly – it was like one of the Hollywood moments – all melts into the background ( I was in a room with about 3000 people) the lights the glowing the spirit speaking and the shivers ( as I call them) For the first time I felt at peace with my world and my place. I find it hard to call God something as words have so many connotations… Goddess? I believe that more than a male version. However God let me know that he/she/it is so much bigger than anything we have pinned upon that name..

SO where I am at the moment is with energies. For the lay person – think Starwars. The force/ eternal energy is in everything, the breeze, the ground the earth in your lovers laughter. We are so much more than the beings we present to each other. Through my trainings with acting I have experienced and played with energetics – so it is a belief that I have solid experience to pin it upone. I also know from outher sources and trainings that energy connect us with everything..

Hummm next blog to explore this further..